now there's that pain again

i've gotten alot of feedback from the long and ancient letter, so i guess people are reading this and that i should keep going. i hope to have more like that, that are more abstract and thoughtful, and maybe just a little life summary. this one will be alot of life summary.

so it started a few days ago with a tickle in my throat. then it grew into a mild cough. and then this morning it turned into a knot, or a pinch in my lung putting pain on my back (and lung) making it difficult and painful to take a full breath. i thought at first, it was just a weird muscle, but after throwing my arm around and making a popping noise, i decided that that was a bad idea. i went back to sleep. the pain was still there, and getting worse. i started joking around that it was a collapsed lung, which may not be too far from the truth. the other night, i was at an open air play through 'till the night, and then drove about 20 miles including highway with my window rolled down, which was probably no good. i've done things like it a million times, only this time it could lead to pnemonia.

well, this could most likely turn into nothing. i'll just have to see in the morning. i'm just really spacey now... the nyquil must be taking it's limited effect. no anesthetics work on me, sometimes if i take a double dose of nyquil i'll feel muggy and drunk, but that's only happened once. ask me about the time when the anesthesia didn't work when i had my wisdom teeth out, maybe i'll post the story later. but a couple hours later, i'm not sleepy, or sleeping.

i talked to melissa, which is pretty nice. probably the first time i've jumped right into an intimate conversation as pip said:
Deet R003: we're already talking about relationships... which isn't a usual topic
Deet R003: as you can see i'm babbeling
themadpeno: no joke. i've dug the topic out of you only a handful of times
themadpeno: 90% of the time ending in mysoginistic jokes of course

right now, the world is shaking, more likely my eyes. i'll catch y'all later.

another late night/morning

i'm posting this letter i wrote to my girlfriend a little more than a year ago. it's more of my inner thoughts than i've posted yet, and except for the mushy parts, reflects my opinions still. it's three pages 12pt. single spaced written in under an hour originally

I rise from my bed, hugging my pillows, finding it uneasily to sleep in such a fashion, that entails you in my arms, without talking to you in the past few days. The reason doesn't agree with me, and I could've found many various ways to elude it, but it seems I have gotten lazy, or something, I’m not sure. I've been sicker than a horse, or a dog, or whatever you use in that east area. Right now, I’m at the point where I lose my voice, so that’s just plain fun. But Tuesday I began our house, without any real good idea of measurements. Before I knew it, the circular steps on the front porch were at largest, twenty feet in diameter. Needless to say, I’ll need to scale it down a bit. The guest bedroom, if I remember correctly, is about 19' on one side, so that works more like a small master bedroom, than one fit for the guest, perhaps a penthouse or something. I’ll be busy most of tomorrow, sleeping or at an Xbox party, either which leaves that small amount of time for you, for which I apologize. However, it is necessary for you to know, that everywhere I go, whether I know it or not, I carry you in my heart and that gives me strength. I was walking home (I believe) the other day, when I came upon asking myself, "why do I continue to live?" where it hit me, through all of my stress, it must have sunken into depression, it would seem we carry more than each others pains. I had tried to convince myself as I reached my room, who I would leave behind had I ended my life, no matter how much I reasoned with myself, no answer I gave myself seemed acceptable for me to clear my mind of the thought, sadly enough, not even the thought of never seeing you had I killed myself, even gave me a "reasonable" reason. I say reasonable, because in my mind at the time, it came to a point where nothing mattered. These are the things I thought of leaving behind, first of all, you, I had thought "what about Nikki? Can I really leave behind the one that I love? And know that she relies on me for strength?" at that point in my mind, that didn't decide it for me. Secondly and apparently easily dismissible, my family, I really didn't give that much thought. But then my moral code had a chance, and when I confronted myself with the action of killing myself, I just thought to myself, "That would be wrong." Right now, that’s the only thing I believe, stopped me from doing it, and the only thing that I believe stops me from even playing a situation in my mind. Right now, I can't even allow myself to think where I would hang the rope to hang myself. I am just unable. Now looking back at that even, I realize that, more importantly than anything else, I would be leaving this world, as just a statistic, a statistic that one in a million would be affected by. And through all of this, I wear my happy face, my joking one, only to remove it in the solitude of my room, and confront myself with the grim facts of society. To pose a quote "We are not the masks we wear. But if we don them, do we not become them?" Apparently not in this case. I see now, that I have no major dream, aside from you. You are my source of happiness. My heart leaps at the concept of spending my life with you. And then there are the things that hold me down. a) The inevitable fact that I am not a genius, I cannot become the top of my class, I will not achieve fame, I am not the best at anything, I will not be the pinnacle of any area of expertise. b) All the sheep of society that do not care that they have no dream. The ones who live life one day at a time, who do not need any guidance and believe that whatever they do, everything will be okay. c) All the people who achieve things they do not deserve. Our school elections are ones won by jokes and insincerity. Only one person I believe held the qualifications suiting his office, and I would've voted for him in any office due to the conduct in which he preformed his speech. d) The frailty of the humans. Their marvelous complexity and amazing simplicity. Each organ works in harmony with the rest, and are infinitely complex, however, one fails, and the body fails. Right now, I have a headache, sinus pains, sore thought, loss of voice, spasmodic pains in the abdomen, 20/40 vision, bone bruised shin, a messed up cuticle thing, and a severely picky stomach. the conflicts of human nature, survival instincts and mental stability are a carefully weighed balance in the brain, and as age and pressure are applied, the margin for error in this scale grows smaller, suffering from many things such as sleep deprivations (which in me is a must because otherwise I view myself as lazy and feel guilt) career pressure (as previously stated, often go to positions of opportunity rather than qualification) and depression as an consequence of the matter spoken previously. As I come upon the 45th minute of writing this, I find that this can only make you sadder. And so I will wrap it up thusly. I need something that I don't have. Not necessarily you at this point, but something else, most likely a feeling of satisfaction, I need someone to tell me "everything is going to be alright" and due to my observation of biasness, (not even a word) I cannot believe it coming from either of my parents. One of the needs of a human being is the need to love and be loved, and for this, I thank you. The other needs being food, water, and shelter. I thank you for this. You are my light at the end of a tunnel, how ever far away you are, there are more impressive stories of reunions therefore this one is a definite. Every second that goes without you seems to tear a larger hole in my heart, and form a bigger tear on my cheek, the night I go without you leave me either empty, or euphoric in the morning, it is not apparent to me which is more valuable. Ages ago I wrote something like this, and entitled it this: Dieter's book. I find that through that, it was the pressure valve I needed to release my feelings, which as I speak are being captured and rebottles inside. Perhaps it is that I do not have any grievance for brad, in which is another thing that plagues me. Perhaps I need a psychiatrist. God knows I was long in need of one. The feeling I feel for you remind me of my dedication in my book. "Dedicated to the one who through my life in the gutter, and the one who kept my head above the current� all of these are reasons which I am thankful for you. Whether or not brad moved, I feel that I would come upon this day, seeing the falls of society. Thoreau said "Many men lay on the backs talking about the falls of man, and never make an effort to get up" I pose to him that those people are those who are not delt a fair hand in life, and the ones who get lemons instead of lemonade. Those who have the opportunity, the social class, the charisma, are not necessarily the best people in society. To this I say to the jocks or the preps, saying that they are not the victors, and if anything, should feel more guilty than I. In seeing my words on paper, and reflecting upon them, I find that I may be able to sleep easy. With your avatar in my arms, thinking good thoughts, about the months to come. The ones who are delt an unfair hand, and come back with a royal flush are the ones to be proud of ourselves, the one who hit rock bottom, and find the buoyancy to rise. People like you and I. The other day, when you called me, and said that just by talking to me that half hour, you felt better than you did before, having been fairly down makes me feel better. And now I find myself fairly selfish, having the need to find help, by living by the words, "your happiness makes me happy" still true, but perhaps not enough. I find myself only one way out of this slump. Enjoy life. Your teenage years are some of the best times of your life. Enjoy your youth, you can't bottle it, and use it when you have a steady job, and spare time on your hands. and most importantly of all, you are my light at the end of the tunnel, you are what brings me happiness, knowing that one day, you and I will be together, gives me the will to go on. as Dylan hunt from andromeda puts it "it's rough out there, but knowing that you may have survived (for this purpose we'll say "together with me") gives me the strength to go on� I love you Nikki, I have no fear that this will be my last note, but even if it is, I feel light on my heart knowing that it touched you in some way. You said you wouldn't know what to do if I died, perhaps you would follow. Have no fear; if I can help it, that day will never come. I want to grow old with you, I want to raise our children, see them grow old, and next to us when we die. And even after death, I wish to be buried as close as possible to you, having the idea of double caskets dismissed immediately. I want our children to live in happiness, not sorrow like we have endured, and undoubtedly they will, but this is part of life. But I will try all I can to make us happy. As tears splash on my wrists, I know why I won't let myself die, our children deserve more than not even being born, grant me that wish if any. if there was a word stronger than love, having that been abused all to much by the people not knowing the meaning of the word, I would abuse it, knowing that that word also is insufficient to express the feelings I feel. Our lives shall be worth the short wait, and at the same time, not. On a lighter note, all that matters in life is happiness; find your happiness, whether it is art, success, humor, whatever it may be, it is your life to live, let no one dictate it. Past the first hour of writing I find that about a half hour ago I was ending this up. So I will, sincerely. Nikki, I love you, if there is life worth living you control that. My dying wish is to find a way to describe to you what I feel for you. Finding no word appropriate, I will trust that you know that feeling as well. I see myself in a room of darkness, with a ray of sun splashing through a crack in the wall. This is you. As small as it is at this time, eventually it will erode and I will get to it. Until that day comes, I will hold you in my heart more than ever before. I will do my actions, each one, almost saying "for Nikki, and for our children" for that will be my greatest happiness, knowing that the words I live by, "my happiness, comes from your happiness" will be true. Nikki, my love, my angel, my light, my savior, my absent guardian angel, my koibito, my guide to life, my source of happiness. Let harm never come to you, for it would surely kill me.

Love,
Dieter Laskowski

when drunken soccer fans collide

so manchester united played celtic on tuesday. man u won the fa cup this year, and alex likes liverpool and they got 6th or something. anyway, i wanted to go, but i wouldn't go unless i knew someone else going, which basically meant going with someone. well, since alex was in california, or something, keegan was left. so i called keegan up and he was all exuberant and said he'd love to go. so i got a couple of tickets, lower lever, with backs and armrests. keegan called back a while later and said that dave and denise and blair wanted to come. so i got three more tickets that were relatively close. so by the time we got to the stadium it was clear that the even was sold out. we were going towards the north gate and there was a bunch of pipers (bagpipers) decked out in kilts and hats and knee socks playing their pipes in a circle and everyone was cheering. keegan and i seemed a bit put off that we knew every song they played.

then we were in this mob/line. these guys behind us were all crazy and a little buzzed. some girls in front of us were hella drunk. denise pointed this one girl out who was just standing with her eyes closed and swaying back and forth. we stood for a while in the mobby line, they had bag checks and ticket stuff. by the way, those guys behind us...

"man, there's some grass over there, lets go smoke it."
"haha, yeah, get high"
"talk about saving the whales"

i was wearing my cricket jersey, basically because it was the closest to a man u jersey that i had. really because joe was all pissed at me one day cause he saw me wearing this and he though it was a man u jersey cause it had "man u colors." well, the only man u colors at the game were red and white. there weren't that many celtic fans, who wore green and white jerseys. basically, keegan and i spent a bit of time searching the crowd of 66,770 for patches of fans. it was a sea of red and white, but there weren't so many celtic fans, maybe a patch or two. the seats were splended. where ever you sat, you could see the entire field. the sad thing was that man u kicked celtic's butt, at will. by the end of the game we were pitying celtic and hoping that they'd score. the worst thing, is that the record attendence was set by a foreign sports event, and that it'll never be broken. at the end when we were walking out, this guy crossed paths with me and keegan, and said "hey, nice shirt!" i turned my head towards and saw that he was wearing an english cricket jersey as well, i said "hey! thanks!" and we kinda just kept looking at eachother and walking away.

today, or yesterday, whenever this gets posted, we went biking. chris keegan and i wanted to map the trails. i woke up and mom and dad had gotten back with my truck, three days late. maaco's ended up repainting the truck completely again. it's alot more beautiful, a deeper, richer blue. the dent came out of the door wonderfully. it's great to have my gal back. i wish i had a real gal though.

what saturday is made for

i woke up this morning at about 8, i was worried that michelle and vanessa would be here when i woke up, but you see, it's not abnormal. they had shown up about 10 PM last night, and we played risk until about 12. michelle was the bunny hitler. vanessa was just playing. michelle loved the game, vanessa kinda did, kinda didn't. they left, and i went to sleep. so like i said i woke up, they weren't there, so i went downstairs, had some orange juice, and got the paper. michelle and vanessa got here and we started playing. inbetween turns i ran around and did things like get dressed, call maaco's, organize stuff for the car wash. as the game turned out for that day, it's still even, just the armies are bigger.

so dick and i get to spadoni bros. and we start setting up. ryan was one of the first to get there, followed by jesse and the demosses and tommy. i'd have to say that tommy heard is the mvp of the car wash. it's great that we have charismatic freshmen (now sophomores) seemingly without a sense of dignity. tommy brought a megaphone that he used to help attract customers. brian and wes showed up, we did a shotty job on his truck. dian and her mom showed up, ryan and i talked to her mom, basically about wes and the typical comp. gamer/nerd. alex showed up, we screwed with his time chart. this weird guy showed up with his rusty truck, and a trailer. he said he was in a hurry, so we hurried, then he told us to do the rims, and then the trailer. the tires on the trailer too, which we actually lined with tar and ruined a few brushes. apparently they were bitching about it being a shotty job, they paid anyway. however, we made a bunch of money, over $400 and split only 10-12 ways, and then depending on hours served. actually, all the kids loved it, when i told them i had only planned to have one more this summer, tommy said "why only one? we should have one every weekend!" i guess i could have a couple more.

anyway, we got real wet, especially the feet. but fick and i wanted to go bowling, and ryan came too. we went bowling, played the beatles. we had a left handed tounement, i lost. ryan made off with some bowling shoes somehow, that kid's crazy. we went to wendy's and as i was walking to this table, a girl who i was walking away from started talking.

"hey, you work at wild waves, can you get us free passes?" ( i was wearing my wildwaves shirt)
"haha... naw, i can't"
"a day like today, the lines must be pretty long, probably all the way to fife!"
"hah, i wouldn't know, i wasn't there today, but i'll bet they were pretty long."

the thing i loved the most was that throughout that, i maintained the illusion of working there, without lying. we went to alex's to pick up his truck, i ended up driving it. we couldn't get it in reverse, so we just drifted off the hill. dick didn't have the insurance in the truck for some reason, so we were careful. kyle was nervous about letting me drive it (cause i couldn't get it in reverse) so she went in for her keys or something. so ryan said "why don't you see if you can go forward a little?" i put it in 1st and started moving. i went all the way up the hill, and onto the main road, and eventually all the way to dick's. when i turned on peacock, i was coming off from 2nd gear, and instead of going into 3rd, i jumped straight to 5th. ryan got a kick out of that, he liked saying that i couldn't drive the stick.

we stopped by alan's and talked to him for a bit, we're planning some frisbee on wednesday, we'll see how that goes.

a summertime story

so, home alone again. truck gone until tomorrow, althought they said it'd be done today, lousy auto body repairmen... so i'm stuck here. i made a lousy sign for the carwash tomorrow, anyone that has a car and read this should bring it. so i put on some dave brubeck opened the windows and hung around outside for a bit, mailed a letter, then started looking around the garage. me and my bro got this bb gun a couple years ago at a garage sale and my dad had it by the work bench, i remembered it being weak but i decided it warrented a second try. turns out it works all right, just the sights are down too far, so far i can't really adjust it. they way i found this out was i took a target from a box in the garage and started putting it up places. first place i put it up was under the deck i tried to wedge it under the steps. so now the target is mostly unsupported and i'm shooting at it, well, since it's unsupported, the pellets just push the paper aside. so i figure i need a stronger, firmer surface to put behind it. i decided the side of the house should work fine. i wedge it there, and i produce some holes in the target, horizontally the target is fine, but vertically the gun aims too far down. so i get out my leatherman and fiddle with the sights a bit, take another shot. the pellet hits the house comes back and hits me in the bridge of the nose as i'm taking my head away from the sights. it bounces off the bridge of my nose and hits off my eye. no joke.

i just about shot my eye out.

just like in a christmas story. so i was really phased by it and decided enough was enough. i was about to call it a fluke and just continue, but i decided one closecall was enough. but at least my aim was true. i put the gun away and burned the target on the deck. the deck is a little dry so it burnt a little bit, but i poured water on it. so now it's back to timmy k's homework.

creepy guy ate my brother's truck

and he might have eaten the rest of my family. it's 11:16 in the morning, i wake up, look around for the family, get a glass of orange juice walk outside to see what cars are missing. my dad's jeep is missing, and alex's truck is parked in my spot, so i go up on the grass to look for it, and there's this guy standing in it's place. he's about the same build as "the skipper" wearing the giligan hat and a pastel colored shirt. so i just turned around and headed back inside.

today i need to go get some biodegradable soap for saturday's car wash, maybe make a sign too. i had a wicked dream about getting my truck back from maaco and they fixed the dent, but there were many supplimental dents in it's place. now that's creepy. maybe that skipper guy ate the truck and the jeep. i'm almost done with timmy k's homework, just trudging along on the last four questions.

yesterday keegan jamie chris and i went on a bike ride on the trails. surprisingly enough, chris was able to keep up better than jamie, i mean, i don't know what this kid does for excersize but i guess it must work. we went mostly the normal way, and then we mixed it up a bit by going back behind chris' neighborhood and then checking out this insane trail that goes about striaght down and is basically suicidal without major braking. we're going to go on it next time. chris called sarah patterson while we were stopped, and it turns out that she also got a 4 on ap english which leads me to believe that no one this year, in duffey, got a 5 on the ap english exam. duffey may just die from this, seeing that she's looked forward to this class for so long, and it totally dissapointed her. basically it was horrible, chris got a 4, alex 3, keegan 3, travis 3, me 2, sarah 4, basically anybody possible of getting a 5 didn't. anyway, we plan to map the trails using chris's biking computer for distances and some graph paper and colors.

pip is also at comic-con today, he's going to get john a to give me an autograph that says something like "motherfucker x" and if he does, he will receive a hefty item. oh btw, i'm officially pip's heir/apprentace/clone because of my grade of a 2 on the ap us history exam, which surprised both of us. this year was bad for ap grades in general.

anyway, orginizing a car wash is both easier and harder than i thought. you'd think that everone would be home when you call them, but they're not. i left about 20 messages on answering machines and people and i've gotten a few calls back, looks like including the supervising adults we'll have about 12 people there, which is all right, but not great. anyway, i'm off to go galivanting, i also want to go bowling.

summer attention spans

summer attention spans i have found are limited to either two lines of reading, or 15 seconds of staring. when i was doing a little book work for ap gov, and i started reading the passage about a page long. "Today the democratic faith may be as near a universal faith as the world has. A belief in human dignity, aslif, aiiijfas,, ajiowafj,af jajsoifjl,faji." that was about as far as i got before losing myself.

wow... this is really worthless. i ran a couple miles today, that was real fun, down drummond, across crescent, and up dana, that was the only real acheivment today.

i'm probably going to take a break from all this for a few days, we'll see what i get out in a couple days, maybe.

and then god said...

y'all dead!

so today was pretty great, i told vanessa to drop by, and she did, after she decided to go to keegan's first. we had fun, she looked at my stuff, we went on a walk, after i put a pizza in the oven. we came back 20-some minutes later to a totally encrusted pizza. after we ate i read that grove city, a college i'm considering, has a tuition and room and board @ under 14k. plus it gives free laptops to it's freshmen as a inclusion to the tuition price.

anyway.

so then vanessa and i went upstairs while she played with the cat, then we went outside onto the deck, and talked for a while until maybe 3 and then went up to my room, she played some giraffe on my palm and got the high score. eventually pip and yeaman came, he had gotten tickets for the premere of LXG (the league of extraordinary gentlemen) and i was running around to look for the keys. vanessa said she would/should go then and she said,

"bye, thank you dieter!"

i was still looking for my keys, and pip and yeaman are still chillin' outside and pip kinda has his open mouth laugh and points and says,

"dieter got his bone on!"

shoot. anyway, the movie was exceptional. pip said the movie itself wasn't great, like some of the minor actors, but the movie i thought was excellent i just loved it ever so much.

and then boromir said, "they've got a cave troll!"

after the movie we went to a guitar thing set up by mark mathura, we got there just in time to hear russel finish up some singing. other people we heard were joey salas and nick valarde, andrea grip and company, and this gal who was hella good.

in the middle of this, i took pip's car and parked it somewhere else.

recommended music: "The Trial in Concert"

i just ran away from my cat

finish up of earlier things

so we went to the park, like planned, and i was still wearing the hat, and the sunglasses. mark set the first sparkler bomb off on the basketball court, everyone was around it about 20 ft. away, and i was over by the baseball field, in a good place in the shadows so i could drop down, or run, if the cops came. the first sparkler bomb was a failure, it just shot sparks and caught on fire, turning into a smoldering heap. after a while, pip ran over and stomped it, however, he was wearing sandles, so it hurt. they lit some bottle rockets and stuff off for a while. and then mark lit the other sparkler bomb. this one i thought was better. mike said it looked the same from where he was standing, but from my prespecive it looked like the flame from a jet engine, that went probably 12 ft beyond the actual bomb. it eventually burned out, smoldering and flaming.

then mark through some jumping jacks on it.

the things literally jumped and exploded firecracker like things jumped around and exploded for at least 45 seconds, it was like a real firework show, just only one color. after it ended, we knew everyone around had heard it, so my first instinct was to flee. i started heading for the stairs, away from the road where we had parked, but then i saw that everyone else was running towards the cars. i turned and ran after them. by the time i had gotten to the hill, they were all getting in and stashing their contraband i jumped in with yeaman and we went back to mikes house.

however the night was not over, and mike and yeaman decided to shoot off more fireworks. they spent about half an hour arranging tanks, sparkler thingys, planes, and bottle rockets. they had arranged them into 5 seperate "stations". each one, save the center had about two tanks, two planes, and a bottle rocket. mike later said that the bottle rockets were a horrible idea. pip and breanne had been talking to nick until mike gave them lighters. when we decided to light them off, i went to light mine, but i had only lit one of the five, and i ran away, as it would turn out, i didn't run for cover soon enough, as when i ran, i got hit by a bottle rocket in the leg. there were inherent flaws in the layout.

all in all, i drove pip and breanne home, breanne liked my truck, pip and i listened to beatles...

man i hate getting bored of writing.

not posting late

i'll see if i can get the first half of my list done before it's late. so yeah like pip said, we had gone to lilli reip's house to go get her. she had moved since i last knew... where her house was, so i had no idea where i was. i was in a semi-ninja mood from the park where we met up with mark and mike, so i was more like half-ninja, half-jester. i would constantly hop around or jump GTA3 style and hiss at people with a demented smile. kinda like the joker. so we found the front door to be unlocked, and i had already thrown my inhibitions about entering an unlocked house from when pip and i went through MPP. first we searched the ground floor, i was ninja creeping with my oakleys and my new york hat on, hissing at people/things. then mark whispered downstairs "lilli!" no answer there. then we went up stairs and looked around, i hissed some more. then we go downstairs, mike was playing with the nostalgic NES until we told him to stop. then we looked in this one room, and there was someone in the room, more accurately in the bed. mark said "lilli?" again and we all curstered around and i found an open spot where i could stick my head in, and hissed. i hissed my bug-eyed hatwearing hiss.

only the person in the bed wasn't lilli.

it was her sister christina, who was sleeping, and we woke her up. after that we ran out, i GTA3 jumped my way out, and hobblewalked my way to yeaman. he kicked me, we headed to albertsons. mike skidded into the parking spot, he's going to kill sami's car. after we got out there was fluid running out from under the car. fortunately it was water. so we went in albertsons, came out. then we found breanna, she came, got in mike's car with us and pip got in the yeamans, what happened next we all should've gotten arrested for.

actually not, it was just really weird. mike and yeaman begin this dueling with honda's or whatnot. basically they circled eachother, then made a few laps around the parking lot, then we threw stuff at eachother, and then circling some more.

tomorrow will be better to write about, i have to get this post in.

things to cover tomorrow:
gta@mikes
ninjaing it up

i'm not posting this late

things to cover:
ninjaing it up
albertsons
park
wars

night of light

i've got to quit posting this late

maddox is alot cooler than i gave him credit for. earlier i had regretted telling him what i was doing tonight, and now i'm not as regretful. basically he wasn't abnoxious and bothersome as i expected him and he was really quite tolerable and cool. we were setting off fire works, and he had these great tank combo's like a piece of a roman candle or something vs. a tank... the roman sparkler cannon kicked the tanks muthaf*****' ass. when the cannon was done with the tank, it was in flames. not just scortched, but flames. then we had him holding three roman candles at a time. we agreed that the fireworks made us feel extremely patriotic, as we commented to the affect of the fireworks on how it made me feel "red white and patriotic" and maddox to "feel like liberating some foreign nations."

danielle made a short apprearance, although w/o alan, she seemed to be all right. the night with vanessa (in company with jamie, keegan, tim, and their siblings) was strange, and mostly like me. touchy and hands-on at first, but near the end pretty weird. i avoided her at the end as to not give her a hug... so i have no idea what's up.

nothing beats flying down the road at midnight, blaring songs as loud as my speakers could possibly go, such as yesterday, let it be, yellow submarine and all you need is love. maddox is pretty good at knowing all of them, he didn't want to leave the good music.

the night that turned day and into a brilliant apocolypse

well, today was wack. pip ended up at an open mike's party palace. i dropped by, we crept around in search of mike, that was until we noticed sami's car was gone. so we discussed what to do about the open front door, which is totally irresponsible for house sittin'. we ended up decided to go to my house, pip didn't know how to get out without leaving it unlocked, so i showed him the door. the garage door that is. after pip got out, i decided that two feet was plenty clearance, so i pressed the button, and ran to the door, rolling under it to get out. "hahahah, that is so cool!" we left blaring yellow submarine out of my truck.

i'm really pleased with how i present myself. basically, i'm a crowd pleaser. i rolled through the garage door, everything i say is accepted with happyness... or something. really just tonight at tim's xbox party, i was talking, just from my soul or whatnot, talkin' like hugo and everything i said, people laughed, it could be as simple as a little juxtaposition, but everyone (especially a couple of younger girls) laughed uncontrollably.

i'm not sure, what'll go on, i'm just a crazy guy now, not a whim, party animal...

PARTY HARD

the segment of the conversation that showed so much, and also shows how lazy i am

Deet R003: the power of the comma
themadpeno: yep
themadpeno: the band Godspeed You Black Emperor
themadpeno: or Godspeed, You Black Emperor
themadpeno: or Godspeed You, Black Emperor
themadpeno: and variations on capitalization and !'s
Deet R003: or
Deet R003: , Godspeed You, Bl,ack Empero,r,,
themadpeno: i cry
Deet R003: duffey would kill me
Deet R003: with her teeth
Deet R003: in my brain
themadpeno: yeah
themadpeno: she'd totally lose her head and go feral
themadpeno: feral with perfect grammar of course
themadpeno: but feral nevertheless
Deet R003: Deet R003: oh man, you know what i just wish i did?
Deet R003: on the AP lang test, drawn a doodle in the middle of my essay and labeled it "fig. 1" and refer everything in my essay to that
themadpeno: brilliant
themadpeno: what would've HAPPENED?
Deet R003: "as you can see, the falling action, as shown in figure on, is congruant to the climax as shown in fig. 1"
Deet R003: duffey would've graded it, and said "some blasted idiot doodled in the middle of his timed write, but the writing was similar to dieter's but the spelling didn't check out"

ladies and gentlemen, brad has left the state

i think i write too much about little things, i write on and on, and then get bored of writing, and then get pissed off for not writing about all i could.

i guess we'll start with yesterday. holy shoot. it was the only game of risk we played where we had all six players, although they weren't all, all there. i'll put it this way, we had dan jones* matt mooney* chris yeaman and matt maddox in addition to brad and i. the asterisks stand for affirmed potheads. and by all there, i mean when we took a break, maddox and mooney went outside to smoke it up. how do i know that? they came in my room and there was an aroma unlike anything that's ever been in there. kinda like smoke. maddox confronted dan about the cigarette thing pip said he saw, and dan just said "what? i don't smoke!" but since mooney said "btw, dan smoked weed with the gang at brandons" maybe pip saw dan sucking in the purple haze.

anyway, the game ended up to be a game of cards, dan jones vs. brad fulfer. hard to say who would win, brad had an oppertunity to turn in next turn, dan jones had an oppertunity this turn. brad conceded, although in my opinion he would've been able to pull it off

then i decided to run around like a crazy man.

i ran outside with some legitimate reason, then i heard that dan and the gang hadn't left. i jumped up and hid in the trees beside my driveway and listened. the car was running, and it went a little like this.

"no maddox, you're not driving!"
"oh come on, i know how to drive, i've just never driven a stick before^."
"what? you've never driven a stick?"
the car starts moving
"no! maddox! stop!"

^not maddox

on a side note, when i bid brad goodbye, i got choked up, lump in the throat, almost cried. i figure this is nothing compared to last time when he left and i bawled for about 5 minutes. another time or two and it'll be fine.

i'm really pleased with myself, it's the first time in a while i've been happy with who i am. e.g.

Geeslilshorty: europe rocks my world
Deet R003: europe rocked the world

Geeslilshorty: dream on cowboy
Deet R003: i'm not just a cowboy, i'm a space cowboy

Geeslilshorty: ur such a dork its funny
Deet R003: such a dork it's... attractive?

nicegarage: i'm listening to my new cd
Deet R003: is it shiney?
nicegarage: one side is
Deet R003: is the CD shiney?
nicegarage: DIETER
nicegarage: ONE SIDE OF IT IS
Deet R003: what about the other side? IT SHOULD SHINE LIKE MORNING LIGHT
nicegarage: SHHHHHHH
Deet R003: NYAAA

but earlier today i realized that i have these solid gold morals. i was depressed, and i was thinking that i wanted to kill myself, or some other form of pain, and then my morals just vetos the whole idea. same thing with weed or whatever else.

anyway...